youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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