I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
