im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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