Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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