I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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