why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
