Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
