Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize