I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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