He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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