I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
