It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
