I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
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