I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
