What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
