I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
