dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
