just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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