Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
