i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
