That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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