does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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