Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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