remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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