Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
we're so committed to being not committed
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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