I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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