wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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