I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
