Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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