Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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