Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
