I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
