wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
