Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
