there was a trapeze. enough said
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
