You just made me feel so damn special
you traded sex for a burrito?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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