just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
