At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
