The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
