Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
