it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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