I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
