There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
