Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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