If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
