What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
