Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
