Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
