I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
