With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
