I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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