We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
