bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
