there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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