and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
