I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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