WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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