Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
