how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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