you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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