I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
