So drunk, too bad you don't want this
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
