I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Is it because I queefed?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
