WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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